frustration

*Names have been changed to protect the innocent.

ugh. I normally try to avoid nasty blogs about venting and stuff but this one cannot be avoided. It feels like everyone I know is mad at me. [Ellen] is mad at me because we broke up, [Karen] is mad at me because she thinks that my car being broken made her lose hours at her job. My mom and Dad are mad at me because I haven't gotten my car fixed, [Jessica]'s mad at me because I didn't tell her everything about [Ellen] and I getting back together right away. The really hard part about all of it is that these are the people I was trying not to upset, and I was trying really freaking hard. I broke up with [Ellen] and afterward I felt bad because she said she felt like I abandoned her, hat I just left her without giving her the decency of a conversation about it. So we talked on the phone and I decided to give it all another shot to be fair. The truth is, I didn't have high hopes for our relationship, and I told her that, I asked what she thought would happen if we broke up again, and she said it would be easier for her to accept. Wednesday, my birthday, [Jessica] asked how my "[Ellen]-free" life was going while we were at dinner with my family at a restaurant. I didn't tell her that we were back together because :

1) we were in a resteraunt on my birthday.

2)I didn't think it was a good idea to start telling people we were back together when I anticipated that we would be seperate again soon. It seemed to me like that would be harder for [Ellen] and I to have to deal with.

So I avoided it that night by talking about the messages she'd sent me calling me names and yelling at me. That weekend [Ellen] and I got into a fight and I needed to talk to her about our relationship again, to tell her I didn't think it was going to work. Also that weekend, [Jessica] and Matt broke up, on Saturday. Saturday night I went to the musical show with her family and worked on my car. On sunday, [Ellen] came over really mad at me and told me it was through. All this week I've either been in bartending school or at school. [Jessica] and I only have theatre or lunch together. I certainly wasn't going to talk about it then, and I didn't want to have to be cut off. We were supposed to hang out Friday (doubtful now) so I figured it would come up then. Of course someone beat me to it, so now she thinks I've been hiding it from her, and doesn't believe that I was going to tell her tomorrow. [Karen] thinks that I'm intentionally needing the car so that she doesn't have a vehicle to use to go to work, and blames me when her boss says she doesn't want to inconvenience her while we have transportation issues. These issues of course are completely my fault, and my Mom and Dad are frustrated with me because I haven't been able to fix it yet.

I'M FREAKING SORRY! I'M UNDER A LOT OF FREAKING STRESS PLEASE TRY AND UNDERSTAND!

GUHSgh I feel so frustrated.