Wednesday, March 5, 2008

How I Nearly Died

No joke. I seriously nearly died yesterday. The cause? As much as I wish it were venomous pythons, terrorist organizations, explosions, fast cars, dangerous women, or one of the other awesome archetypes found in movies the culprit was:



That's right. Dum-Dums. Specifically the blue little bugger 2nd on the right. That's right. Infamous Blue Raspberry.
Anyway, as you may have experienced, occasionally the candy part becomes dislodged from the the stick part. No big deal right? most cases yes. Today:

No.

So aforementioned candy comes off stick, someone with my group tells a joke or says something funny and I laugh. Then I get that uncomfortable feeling you get when you sometimes inhale M&M's or bits of ice whole, you know that cold "whoosh" sort of feeling? well I opened my mouth to say "OhMaGah I can't believe I just swallowed that whole dum-dum!" but what came out was "........" Then I felt it in my throat, blocking off my air and making my eyes water. Then the horrific realization that I was:

Ok, if you've ever choked on like water, where you cough for a little bit and stuff, it's NOTHING like that. You can't breath, you can't talk, and then there's the realization that you could DIE. Meanwhile, my friends (we'll call them Janet and Eliza, not everyone likes their name on the internet) quickly realize I'm not fooling around, and that something is seriously wrong.
"Are you Ok?"

*head shake*

"OhMaGAWD HE'S CHOKING!"

*head nod*

"Do you want me to do the Heimlich?"

*head nod*

[Eliza assumes heimlich position]

"Get the nurse!"

[Janet runs like her last name is Rodriguez and "La Migra" have just pulled up to her taco stand]

So on about the fourth or fifth Heimlich, I can feel the little ball of death higher up in my throat, and finally it gives out with a "POP!" like a potato out a potato cannon. I wipe my eyes, take a few deep breaths and thank Eliza for saving my life. Shortly thereafter Nurse Redundancy proceeds to not listen to us tell her that Eliza successfully performed the Heimlich she learned from lifeguard training and says "well ok, I'm gonna show you something in case it ever happens again." To everyone's shock, the Heimlich! Thankfully at the end of the day, a sore throat was the only casualty.

2 comments:

Bradshaw said...

Sorry to hear about that--death by dum-dum seems to me an unfortunate way to go. Like getting hit by a car or some such, I'd be disappointed if I got hit by, say, an Acura--it should at least be a Lexus.

Anywho, series are s lot of fun and pretty cool to play with. Glad your BC course covers them, since they're incredibly important in subsequent courses (such as, say, Partial Differential Equations, or Complex Variables), and I think if the treatment is rigorous enough you'll find it enjoyable as anything else, if not more so.


Cheers!

Justin said...

Dude I hate dum dums. Bleh serves you right for having one of those vile suckers in your mouth! Just messing I wouldn't want you to die or anything, but I do hate them :P.